Task 1 IELTS Writing Samples: Maps

by Albus
(Beijing)

The Question

The Question

Hi, here is Albus. It was the first essay related to IELTS task 1 describing maps I have tried. Hope for your advice!

These two maps indicate the situation and development of an island before and after building several tourist facilities on it.

From the first map which shows the island with about 250 meters sea shore before construction, there was a small range of beach on the west side of this island, with no house, road or any other facilities but only some trees distributing on the west and near the center of the island.

The second map demonstrates the great change of the island after tourist facilities being constructed on it. The island witnessed that two accommodation groups emerged on it with footpath connecting within each group. In terms of the beach, it had been built to a swimming spot with footpath between it and one of the accommodation groups. A restaurant was built near the northern shore while a reception which was surrounded by vehicle track appeared near the center of the island. It can also be seen that there was a pier on the southern shore so that people could go for sailing over there. There was also vehicle track linking the restaurant, reception and the pier.

To sum up, the maps indicate the dramatic change which happened on the island evidently. The land of the island had been exploited comprehensively.

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May 14, 2013
IELTS Task 1 Describing Maps
by: go-proofreader

Hello Albus,

Overall a good attempt at describing maps in IELTS writing task 1. Here is our analysis of your answer with a band prediction, tips and advice.

TA (Task Achievement). You address the task and the format is appropriate. However you include a lot of irrelevant detail (all of your second paragraph - you don't need it), and your overview is too vague. Your overview needs to emphasise the general trends, differences, changes... which in the case of this map are the building of the restaurant, reception, accommodation and pier. (TA) – 5

CC (Coherence and Cohesion). Information and ideas are generally arranged coherently but your answer is lacking in terms of cohesive devices ‘additionally,’ furthermore,’ ‘moreover’…. Cohesion within and/or between sentences is too mechanical. Also note that you don’t need 4 paragraphs, use either 1 or 3, with 3 being preferred. (TA) – 5

LR (Lexical Range and Accuracy). You use an adequate range of vocabulary and try to use less common vocabulary. However, there is too much inaccuracy in word choice or formation e.g. “The land of the island had been exploited comprehensively”. The word exploited is generally used in a negative sense, better here just to say 'developed' or 'enhanced'. (LR) - 5

GRA (Grammatical Range and Accuracy). Simple and complex sentences are used, but again the problem is with error density. A lot of the errors are also quite basic e.g. missing articles. (GRA) 5

Overall band prediction for this IELTS task 1 about describing maps: 5 5 5 5 = 5

You have done enough here to obtain a band 5, but you would need to improve your answer considerably in each area to get a 6.

Top Tips. TA - Eliminate irrelevant detail and provide a better overview. CC incorporate more cohesive devices into your writing. Also try to write less, no more than 200 words (this problem can be resolved by taking out irrelevant detail). For LR and GRA you need to reduce the number of errors made.

Thanks for your contribution!

Best regards

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