IELTS Task 2 Writing Example: Education topic

by Woody
(Shenzhen)

More and more students choose to study in another country for higher education. Do the benefits outweigh the drawbacks?

Education is important to everybody regardless of their culture. Study abroad has been playing an increasingly important role in our life and there have been discussions as to whether it has done more good than harm to us. Both positive and negative consequence will be discussed have and I would say that ultimately study abroad is more beneficial to us.

Those people who strongly believe that study abroad is detrimental to us have congent reasons for it. First of all, living far away from home, students often suffer from psychological problems such as loneliness and homesickness. Some of them may even fail to adapt themselves to the oversea life still the end of their study. Secondly, it is not easy for ordinary students to cover high college cost because of the high tuition fee living expenses. Finally, when returning to one’s motherland, one may suffer from the so-called reverse culture shock.

On the other hand, some other people strongly against the above attitude. In their view, study abroad is of great benefits. In the first place, study abroad is a good way for one to take care of and protect oneself, and how to get on well with people from different cultural backgrounds. Moreover, students who have learned advanced science and technology will have more choice for his future career. Finally, by looking at one’s own country from outside, one can best see the strengths and weakness of one’s motherland, which enables them to understand their own country better.

Admittedly, there are merits to both arguments. As far as I am concerned, I firmly commit to the notion that study abroad has more benefits than drawback to us.

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Jul 04, 2013
Hello Woody
by: go-proofreader

Thanks for sending your task 2 IELTS writing answer. Here's our analysis with a band prediction, tips and advice.

TR (Task Response). The main problem here is that you don’t say anything about your own opinion until the final sentence of your conclusion. Your thesis statement is, “I would say that ultimately study abroad is more beneficial to us.” So, have three paragraphs saying why to think that. Alternatively, have a third body paragraph where you clarify and elaborate your own position. You also have quite a bit of information that is not directly relevant to the question TR – 5.

CC. (Coherence and Cohesion). Generally good. You have a good variety of linking words and cohesive devises with some inaccuracy, good enough for a 6. CC – 6.

LR (Lexical Resource). Your vocabulary is quite good, the problem however is that there are noticeable errors in spelling and/or word formation that make your writing difficult to understand in places e.g. (congent reasons… oversea life still the end of their study… Both positive and negative consequence will be discussed have and I…). Such errors would stop you getting a 6 for LR. LR – 5.

GRA (Grammatical Range and Accuracy). You have a mix of simple and complex sentence forms and although there are some errors in grammar and punctuation they rarely reduce communication. GRA - 6

Overall band prediction for this IELTS task 2 writing: 5 6 5 6 = 5.5

Top Tips: TR - Make sure you emphasise your own opinion and stick to the topic directly. CC - reduce the size of your introduction, have 5 paragraphs and increase the size of your conclusion – which needs to restate your thesis statement and the points you gave in support. LR - don’t use words unless you are sure of the spelling and meaning. You can make mistakes in spelling/word formation and get a 6 for LR but only if the meaning is still clear.

You have made a good attempt at this question. There are some noticeable problems with your answer, however if you take note of the tips and advise you should be able to resolve these without too much difficulty.

If you have any questions or want to send anymore of your writing example please get in touch again.

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Return to Band 5 IELTS Writing Samples.

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